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On Becoming Unfukwitable

A black girl’s first act of sorcery is to make herself disappear. I understood this when my father asked me to sit on his lap. He was in a wonderful mood that night. His baritone, a whiskey warmed song ripe with invitation. I remember wrapping my arms around myself, hands trying to gather in my […]

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Couples Retreats and Root Canals – It’s All About Digging Deep

The low point came several weeks before the couples’ workshop when Ron, my significant other, said he’d rather undergo root canal surgery. Or maybe it was a few days before we left for the workshop when he “joked” about getting prepared for “emotional waterboarding” (waterboarding being that infamous form of torture the U.S. military employs). […]

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How to Take Charge of Those Uncomfortable Moments When You’re Compared to a Porn Star

‘Noooooo!’ I mentally yelled in slow-motion. I imagined my arms stretched out in front of me, palms outward, pushing against the air … pushing him away. This young man was finishing one of the oddest comments a stranger had laid on me in a long time. “…I’ve watched Bridget the Midget porn. You know, out […]

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How This Sign Lets Us Be Ourselves (says the Arab American Woman)

“Women-Only” On wedding invitations or party invites in the Arab American world, this rule is a given. In my Yemeni culture, it’s very rare that you’ll find men and women mingling at social gatherings, which is due to a strict Islamic interpretation on gender interactions. It’s a rule which gave me the opportunity to get […]

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Your Sensuality & Sexuality: Learning Through a “Sex Play Date”

NOTE: This article contains explicit and graphic material that may make some people uncomfortable. Dear Devi, My partner and I are exploring oral sex. He feels clumsy and unsure and I’d really like some tips on how I can support and encourage him on his way to becoming a world class lover. After all, the […]

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Your Sensuality & Sexuality: Exploring Back Door Love

NOTE: This article contains explicit and graphic material that may make some people uncomfortable. Dear Devi, I’ve always fantasized about anal sex. My boyfriend is interested, but we both feel nervous. What’s the deal with anal? Why is it both enticing and scary? And how do we ease into it so that we can both […]

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Your Sensuality & Sexuality: About That Vibrator

NOTE: This article contains explicit and graphic material that may make some people uncomfortable.   Dear Devi, Do vibrators make a woman less sensitive to touch? I’m able to orgasm really easily when I use my vibrator by myself, but I can’t have an orgasm with my partner?  Does this mean that I’m addicted to […]

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Your Sensuality & Sexuality: Unveiling the Mystique of the G-Spot

NOTE: This article contains explicit and graphic material that may make some people uncomfortable. DEAR DEVI,   I keep hearing people talk about “The G-Spot” in women. I can’t seem to find mine, and have no idea what I’m even looking for. Is there such a thing as a G-spot, and does every woman have […]

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Your Sensuality & Sexuality: What’s Your Relationship Worth?

DEAR DEVI, Everything I’ve read about Tantric sex approaches involves hours of lovemaking. With jobs, kids and everything else in life – my partner and I don’t have the luxury of lounging around like that.  Is that what you’re talking about when you say you’re an expert in tantric lovemaking?   It seems you may […]

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Your Sensuality & Sexuality: About Those Smells in the Lady Area

DEAR DEVI, I sometimes feel uncomfortable about having sex with my partner because of the way I smell “down there.” Is there anything I can do about the way my body smells? First, let me say that 99.9% of the women I know do feel – or have felt – uncomfortable with the way their […]

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