Your Sensuality & Sexuality: About That Vibrator

NOTE: This article contains explicit and graphic material that may make some people uncomfortable.

 

Dear Devi,

Do vibrators make a woman less sensitive to touch?
I’m able to orgasm really easily when I use my vibrator by myself, but I can’t have an orgasm with my partner? 

Does this mean that I’m addicted to it?

 

Wondering if you can become addicted to or desensitized by using a vibrator is a question that many women have, and the most honest answer is, well … sort of.

A vintage vibrator as seen in an 1918 Sears, Roebuck and Co ad

A vintage vibrator as seen in an 1918 Sears, Roebuck and Co ad

Dr. Jim Pfaus, a researcher and professor of psychology at Montreal’s Concordia University, notes in Naomi Wolf’s book Vagina: the human spinal circuit will habituate to the same repeated stimuli, over a period of time, and thus vibrators may desensitize women, due to this natural “habituation” phenomenon.

In short – if you use the same vibrator again and again and again, your nervous system becomes “adapted” to the specific frequency of that particular vibration.

Does this mean you need to get rid of your vibrator?

No!

To me this simply means use more than one vibrator. Every vibrator provides it’s own unique “pattern” of vibration, so if your body becomes too accustomed to one to the point where sensation is diminished, simply change it up a bit by introducing a new “frequency” and/or use your fingers too!

I myself have several vibrators that I use, as well as interchanging with my fingers to provide tactile sensation. I like to say that self-pleasuring is a two-handed job and requires the ability to multi-task.

So it seems with vibrators, variety truly is the spice of life.

In regard to your inability to orgasm with your partner – there may be a few different reasons for that, but in the case of oral stimulation, it’s usually just a matter of some simple guidance and communication.

Most often, our partners are fumbling around in the dark, trying to read our subtle body-language “cues” and hoping desperately that the sound we just made means we like it, and not that it hurts.

At the same time, we’re usually in our heads wondering how we smell, taste and sound, and thinking “if they just went a little softer and to the left …” or something along that line.

Another vintage vibrator ad that illustrates a woman putting it on her “cheek”

Alternatively, when it’s you and your vibrator – you know exactly how, where, and when to use it. Usually, your partner doesn’t have all of the inside information that he or she needs in order to get the job done so it’s really no surprise you find it easier to orgasm when it’s just you and your vibrator.

Giving your partner some gentle verbal feedback and encouragement when they’re on the right track can make a world of difference for both of you (and a properly timed ‘thank you’ always has its place).

Then your vibrator is no longer “competition” but enhancement, which is exactly what it was designed for.

Have a pressing question for Devi about your sensuality/sexuality? Contact her here. Put “Question for Devi” in the subject line.

See Devi’s other posts here

Devi

About Devi

Devi Ward is a pioneer in the field of women's sensual empowerment and focuses on helping women explore their sexual healing and sensual awakening. As a Black woman living in Detroit, Devi spent much of her early life feeling confused and disempowered. She now uses her years of healing and education to help women discover their own journeys of transcending fear and shame around the vital issue of how we see ourselves as sensual and sexual beings. Devi's recently released book is “Shake Your Soul-Song! A Woman’s Guide To Self-Empowerment Through The Art Of Self-Pleasure.” Contact her through www.femininemergence.com
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