Your Sensuality & Sexuality: That Defeating Self-Talk About Your Body


I’m self-conscious about wearing scanty “boudoir” clothing for romance.

I’m always thinking about my over-sized hips, cellulite or stretch marks.

It really puts my partner in a tough position because I’m in my head with this toxic self-talk and it doesn’t make me very receptive to love making. Thoughts?  


Great question! Here are my thoughts on the matter:

First off – I am not going to give you the usual spiel about how you should be comfortable with your body, and love yourself exactly as you are, etc. etc. We may all need to accept having cellulite and stretch marks, but that doesn’t mean we have to like it – or pretend to rise above it.Botero statue

By accepting that you have areas of your body that you are not entirely comfortable with, you can work with them rather than against them in your lingerie choices.

These days there is such a wide variety of lingerie styles and cuts to flatter different body shapes and types, why continue choosing to wear something you find emotionally (and chances are physically) uncomfortable?


Until you learn to love the entire YOU, pick out what you love about your body and accentuate that!

Because wearing boudoir attire seems as if it’s an important part of your relationship, I encourage you to spend some time with a sales associate at a lingerie store, and have them help you pick out some styles that you find both sexy and comfortable!

As you have discovered for yourself – wearing something that you think is sexy but that you don’t actually feel sexy in, isn’t actually sexy, and kinda defeats the whole purpose.

The whole point of “slipping into something more comfortable” is to do just that.

Get comfortable physically, so that you can become more relaxed emotionally, and from there the fun begins!



Have a pressing question for Devi about your sensuality/sexuality?
Contact her here. Put “Question for Devi” in the subject line.



Image credit: Botero sculpture by dierk schaefer


About Devi

Devi Ward is a pioneer in the field of women's sensual empowerment and focuses on helping women explore their sexual healing and sensual awakening. As a Black woman living in Detroit, Devi spent much of her early life feeling confused and disempowered. She now uses her years of healing and education to help women discover their own journeys of transcending fear and shame around the vital issue of how we see ourselves as sensual and sexual beings. Devi's recently released book is “Shake Your Soul-Song! A Woman’s Guide To Self-Empowerment Through The Art Of Self-Pleasure.” Contact her through

2 Responses to Your Sensuality & Sexuality: That Defeating Self-Talk About Your Body