Your Sensuality & Sexuality: What’s Your Relationship Worth?

DEAR DEVI,

Everything I’ve read about Tantric sex approaches involves hours of lovemaking.

With jobs, kids and everything else in life – my partner and I don’t have the luxury of lounging around like that.  Is that what you’re talking about when you say you’re an expert in tantric lovemaking?

 

It seems you may be asking me two different questions here:Devi post

  • Is there any way to have Tantric sex without it taking hours and hours?  and …
  • What am I talking about when I say I’m a Tantric sex expert?

I’ll answer the last question first, as that will lead me to your first one.

When I say I’m a tantric sexuality expert it means that I’ve “done the time” – so to speak.

What I call REAL Tantra is an actual field of study – an examination of the intersection of human sexuality with spirituality and personal growth.
Just like any “expert” in any field of practice – be it sexuality, health, parenting, etc. – what makes one proficient in their craft is time, training and application.

I personally did spend hours and hours of my time meditating and having Tantric sex. The bedroom was my laboratory, where I experimented, explored, healed, transformed, awakened and discovered my sexual self – because that was my JOB.

I put in the hours doing that, so that I could be an example of the life and personal transformation that’s possible through the reclamation of our sexual selves, so that I could teach others and support them through the process of their own awakening.

The beauty for me is that, in undergoing the journey myself – being a “pioneer,” I inevitably found shortcuts and better, more effective ways of implementing some of the methods and streamlining some of the practices. So I’m now able to offer a more condensed version of “the path.” A sweeter, swifter journey than what I underwent.

Which leads us to question number 1. Do you have to “lounge around for hours having sex?”

No, you don’t HAVE to but there are times when you might WANT to.

Devi sliderAnother beautiful aspect of what I call “true” Tantra is that many of the methods or “tools” can be used at anytime throughout your day – whether you’re having sex or not, naked or entirely clothed. Tantra is about enhancing intimacy and connection with yourself first, and then with your partner.

You may find that as you deepen your emotional intimacy, your physical and sexual intimacy becomes “highlighted” and more important in your life.

I encourage people to prioritize their sexual intimacy by scheduling time for what we call “Tantra Dates,” which consist of you taking one hour, once a week, to connect intimately with your partner. If you are unsure what a “Tantra Date” would look like, I suggest enrolling in a online class or Tantra Education program, buying a Tantra DVD, or going to a workshop together to learn “tools” for cultivating a more fulfilling intimate connection.

These one hour “sessions” may or may not include sexual intercourse. The goal during this time is simply the cultivation of emotional intimacy and the sharing of pleasure, however that looks and feels best for you both.

Many people freak-out a little bit when I suggest taking an entire hour every week to focus on their sexual connection, but given the amount of time most people spend on Face Book or watching television, chances are you can squeeze in one hour, once a week to enhance this aspect of your relationship with your life partner … though you may miss an episode of Chelsea Lately.

Human Beings are wired for pleasure and we naturally are motivated by enjoyment. If you’re creating sexual intimacy that you find emotionally and spiritually fulfilling, physically satisfying, and that you just plain ENJOY, chances are you’re going to prioritize having MORE of it in your life.

You might even find yourself scheduling in sometime to lounge around and have sex all day, like you did when you first met …

 

Tantra Resources:

Instructors:

Authentic Tantra Online Education with Devi Ward & Jacques Drouin  (This is my own website)

Tantra Teacher Tanja Diamond

Tantra and Intimacy Coach Carla Tara

DVD:
Ancient Secrets of Sexual Ecstasy

Book:

The Art of Sexual Ecstasy by Margo Anand
(I usually don’t recommend people try to learn Tantra from a book. I suggest books in conjunction with personal or visual instruction.)

 

Have a pressing question for Devi about your sensuality/sexuality? Contact her here. Put “Question for Devi” in the subject line.

See Devi’s other posts here

Photo credits: stevendepolo

Devi

About Devi

Devi Ward is a pioneer in the field of women's sensual empowerment and focuses on helping women explore their sexual healing and sensual awakening. As a Black woman living in Detroit, Devi spent much of her early life feeling confused and disempowered. She now uses her years of healing and education to help women discover their own journeys of transcending fear and shame around the vital issue of how we see ourselves as sensual and sexual beings. Devi's recently released book is “Shake Your Soul-Song! A Woman’s Guide To Self-Empowerment Through The Art Of Self-Pleasure.” Contact her through www.femininemergence.com

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